what do you do when you are the reason for the tears but yet... your the only persons arms i want to be in...

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15c
2.5l

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-8c
-3l 

i dont know where to start so lets start by just saying that im terrible... yeah that pretty much covers it without the details because yeah, ill do the POSTIVE PARTS OF MY LIFE! im so thankfull to have such an amazing friend like maddie <3 shes always there has PATIENCE! ALOT OF PATIENCE! WITH ME! even when i walk off and leave her after i feel really bad and wonder why i still have her maddie you are so amazing missy in every single way and i love you to pieces! so thank you blue eyes for bieng that amazing friend that i girl like me must have <3 i consider myslef very lucky :D..... so me and a friend arent friends anymore and its wierd cause i have to see him still:S all i can say about you.... you know who youare is that i love i love you i love you.... this was the dream i had last night....- i was boiling my eyes out running through the school (no idea why) and then you saw me and i looked into your flower eyes and kept on running and reminded myself that you didnt care... so i ran... you came after me and held me when i was crying on the floor you just held me and didnt let go... kissed me on the forhead and told me that you were here with me till the day i die... you held me tight and said there was nothing to be sared off because you would always be right next to me and always there to dry my tears...
yeah as you probobally guessed i was crying when i woke up... you said you would always care... you said that you would always dry my tears, love you till the day i die... how silly of me i just wish you still cared and f about me ...
girls say to there friends that he doesnt deserve your tears... he does deserve mine.... partly because i cant stop them....
ok so im on my depressing diet were i dont eat anything! this is day to ive had a sanwhich over two days lets see what happens tommorow because hopefully i just drop dead... that will put me out of my mysery :)
so many things in life latley are soo caotic:S
SO MUCH HOMEWORK..  i get really stressed out about all that sort of stuff...
then there boys... why were they ever invented? god? hello? ohh hello tahlia yes they were invented for marriage blah blah but god ... there isnt a guy out there for me... and the one i want yeahh you understand you can understand my thoughts... tahlia there is a guy for you he is waiting for you just waiting he feels the same as you do know... say wht? tahlia remember when you were staring out the window yesterday night while everyone else was having h.j;s? wondering why life is so cruel and the world is so big why cant i find anyone? WELL THERE IS SOMEONE FOR YOU TAHLIA :)

I KNOW I KNOW IM AN IDIOT! its just a day dream i keep having... no kidding! i used to be able to read minds not joking! hmm im a freak :P well when your just over bieng depressed you turn really really really high! well wierd :S em knows about that haha yeah im out... catcha well if im still here ;P
out dr ed camp tomorrow :) should be hell :D seeing your face everyday... remember what we used to say? about us on camp :) and i hoped that we were still going out then... yeah that backfired, but seriously im done feeling like i always do everthing wrong because it just makes me feel worse and you dont even mind it...


                   chio- remember to wake up on the right side of the bed, the one with the sun streaming through your blinds onto you face having the sun light shinning on you knowing its your time to shine :)

my heart crumbles with every word, every thought.... every memory.... pain please! go away.....

i really want to learn how to play the pianno :(

I will never be so comftable with anyone else apart from you.....EVER....</3

should've never thought different of you... i knew it just couldnt admit it...

nothing good ever happens to me... just when i think my luck is changing:) but no... how stupid to think wrong...

A person like you? impossible to fight with because i mean seriously? just look at yourself? happy and cheerfull always making things possitive? why am i so stuborn, annoying etc arr

A Promise-

a promise is a promise which shall not be broken, so you cant tell anyone and your about to burst, but you've promised you wouldnt tell hahaha thats trust for you...

you make my frown turn upside down... ):)

wierd feelings of regret unstablness happiness joy:) its all to you i never thought.

getting excited about the silliest of things... its because your a teenage girl :)

this happened yesterday-

akward moment when your food shoping:S and your sister wants to buy a giant teddy(1m) bear so she does then your brother wants one to so he starts crying... then he brings back a bear to the check out and the man at the checkout is just laughing...

EKKS BEFORE I FOGET MADDIE CAN U CALL ME TONIGHT PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I BOUGHT FOOD FOR CAMP AND NEED TO SORT THINGS OUT OK? XXX I LOVE YOU <3 IM SORRY.. AGAIN... 4 BEING SUCH A BITCH...

as i walk i cry, i never know when they shall come for supprise shower.... the feeling of unstablness haunts me... normally when i dont want to eat its because i force myslef not to but this time its different i dont want to... maybe i shall just not eat untill i slip and die...? but then theres those very few good friends that stick by you that make you want to go to school, and then theres the few from other schools like one of my really close friends me and them have a lot in common.... people say im better off without you... but i dought it so much... but latley all you do is cause alot of pain... life goes on tell yourself that people... and dont ask yourself - "why does ntohign good ever happen to me"... at the moment im feeling ok because one of my freinds is cheering me up:) thank you maddie for today for being so patient supportive and understanding with me.... i know im a difficult person.. i guess thats why i loose friend after friend well atleast..! hold it no bitching! :P ok gtg tlking 2 a friend:) hmm

IT COULDNT BE ANY MORE PAINFULL.... WELL SHIZ IS ABOUT 2 GO DOWN.... SHAKING TREMBLING INSIDE AND OUT YOU KNOW YOU CANT HIDE YOUR EMOTIONGS WHEN YOUR AT THE STAGE OF CRYING ANY SECONDS....

soo im sitting in s&e wtih tabby with out maddie :( maddie call me please ! can i come ova on thurs 4 our assinment let me know asap ekks sirent went gtg <3

madddie i hpoe u see this i love you and hope ur ok my darl'n :( sob sob sbo xoxoxoxoxox pick up ur phone :( xxooxoxox <3 miss you

as i write this i am watching 17 again i didnt get to watch it last night becase we were at fmily/friends house.... which brings me to last nights story.. which is part of the reason i am depressed. but lets start from the beggining shall we......... on friday i was confuessed because he gave me a hug from behing:)  then on the way home that day while i was on the bus with the amazing friend cherry:) mitch went away to talk about the the other girl he likes:( with one of his friends and how he blew it and stuff idk? then when i was getting off the bus we had a long hug:D moving on- me and goldy locks and everyone are closser again:) like last year:) one of my really (CLOSE) friends and me are drifting a lot... well it feels like she and  sophia are just getting closser as sophia lossers another bestfriends idk... this girl really is starting to get on my nerves again... well she has been for a few months but know shes lost goldy locks which i think is kind of good ( dont mean to sound bitchy!) but she really is a better person without her... but know im afraid im loosing you... i dont know...going back to the start (lastnight) was terrible like the worst night ever! that is all i should say about it.. but someone like a low life like you i couldnt really care less how you treat me.. I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER! END UP AS BIENG PATHETIC AS YOU:) AND THAT IS ALL YOU SHALL EVER BE... YOU'VE BECOME SUCH A LOSSER WITH ALL YOUR MISTAKES ITS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR WRONG DOINGS SO KNOW ONE CAN SAY SORRY FOR YOU AND FIX THE PIECES OF YOU MESSED UP LIFE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, I SHALL ALWAYS STAND HIGHER THAN YOU... NOMATTER WHAT :)

- So there as i watch the sea... another friendship boat sails past... </3

:D

ohh... when life is depressing/ impatient? what do you do? EAT BLOODY ICECREAM MATE :P

OK SO I CANT WELL IM AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANY POST ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE BECAUSE IT DOESNT SUIT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHT THEY THINK OF ME I MEAN??? I WASNT BORN TO FIT YOUR EMOTIONS AND NEEDS? OS YEAH ANYWASYS... JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT NOTHING LALALLALALALAlallaalallaa LALALAL UMM? WASTING TIME MUCH... ISSY WONT TELL ME WHATS UUP? IM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE FUCKING JUMPING UP AND DOWN :s BITTING THOSE NAILS EVEN SHORTER EKKSKKSSKSKS:s YEAH BYE BYE

ohh i take back bieng happy again...  
yeah, a were friends... i knew that, i never thought anything different... of course

soo..

- i found out tht som1 i dislike is having a kinda pool party and i thought that all my friends where going so that got me really down... but it turns out its not like only two of my friends so its ok
- boyfriend number? wait a sec...? 3? oh i thought it was actually more 4 the same person^ i actually wish that we could be on ok terms now i mean its in the past? so yeah
- its really sad when someone good looking has his/self ego soo low it just doesnt seem fair? if you know what i mean?
- few of my friends are really down at the moment and im really bad with making poeple happy again:S so i thin i should work on that hey? once ive done my home work lol :P
- life is looking ok now i think the storm is a bit past clearing now.
-i hate it... im a teenager that sucks at science so bad and at first i didnt care at all but now i really do... i dont get any of it! im like wtf? 24/7, so now you know how stupid i am ahaa, i hope pray that i might maybe? pass my exam i suck so bad though...
-my friend is really down becasue of a fight with her boyfriend they were like!? born for each other! and i cant help her im so useless...>.< it sucks

caos (:)

- you make me so happy i just want to cry :') you make all the pain vanish...
- i shall stop bugging people 4 who they like its none of my buisness even if i am friends with them whatever, life goes on...
- i think i might of found a cure^_^  life really does go on:)


ekks GTG :( DIDNT GET 2 FINISH!:( BYE XOX CORN :D LIFE GOES ON MEMBER THAT GUYS COUGH COUGH MADDIE! ULL FIND OUT SOON MYBABYGIRL! XXX