of to the hospital, dont know what to expect.. fml

enough said...

i could say so many things... but its best to keep emotions to myself... because in the end no body can make it better like you once did...

life is full of awkard moments, friendships, guys you you and you...

what do you do when you are the reason for the tears but yet... your the only persons arms i want to be in...

. .
15c
2.5l

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-8c
-3l 

i dont know where to start so lets start by just saying that im terrible... yeah that pretty much covers it without the details because yeah, ill do the POSTIVE PARTS OF MY LIFE! im so thankfull to have such an amazing friend like maddie <3 shes always there has PATIENCE! ALOT OF PATIENCE! WITH ME! even when i walk off and leave her after i feel really bad and wonder why i still have her maddie you are so amazing missy in every single way and i love you to pieces! so thank you blue eyes for bieng that amazing friend that i girl like me must have <3 i consider myslef very lucky :D..... so me and a friend arent friends anymore and its wierd cause i have to see him still:S all i can say about you.... you know who youare is that i love i love you i love you.... this was the dream i had last night....- i was boiling my eyes out running through the school (no idea why) and then you saw me and i looked into your flower eyes and kept on running and reminded myself that you didnt care... so i ran... you came after me and held me when i was crying on the floor you just held me and didnt let go... kissed me on the forhead and told me that you were here with me till the day i die... you held me tight and said there was nothing to be sared off because you would always be right next to me and always there to dry my tears...
yeah as you probobally guessed i was crying when i woke up... you said you would always care... you said that you would always dry my tears, love you till the day i die... how silly of me i just wish you still cared and f about me ...
girls say to there friends that he doesnt deserve your tears... he does deserve mine.... partly because i cant stop them....
ok so im on my depressing diet were i dont eat anything! this is day to ive had a sanwhich over two days lets see what happens tommorow because hopefully i just drop dead... that will put me out of my mysery :)
so many things in life latley are soo caotic:S
SO MUCH HOMEWORK..  i get really stressed out about all that sort of stuff...
then there boys... why were they ever invented? god? hello? ohh hello tahlia yes they were invented for marriage blah blah but god ... there isnt a guy out there for me... and the one i want yeahh you understand you can understand my thoughts... tahlia there is a guy for you he is waiting for you just waiting he feels the same as you do know... say wht? tahlia remember when you were staring out the window yesterday night while everyone else was having h.j;s? wondering why life is so cruel and the world is so big why cant i find anyone? WELL THERE IS SOMEONE FOR YOU TAHLIA :)

I KNOW I KNOW IM AN IDIOT! its just a day dream i keep having... no kidding! i used to be able to read minds not joking! hmm im a freak :P well when your just over bieng depressed you turn really really really high! well wierd :S em knows about that haha yeah im out... catcha well if im still here ;P
out dr ed camp tomorrow :) should be hell :D seeing your face everyday... remember what we used to say? about us on camp :) and i hoped that we were still going out then... yeah that backfired, but seriously im done feeling like i always do everthing wrong because it just makes me feel worse and you dont even mind it...


                   chio- remember to wake up on the right side of the bed, the one with the sun streaming through your blinds onto you face having the sun light shinning on you knowing its your time to shine :)

my heart crumbles with every word, every thought.... every memory.... pain please! go away.....

i really want to learn how to play the pianno :(

I will never be so comftable with anyone else apart from you.....EVER....</3

should've never thought different of you... i knew it just couldnt admit it...

nothing good ever happens to me... just when i think my luck is changing:) but no... how stupid to think wrong...

A person like you? impossible to fight with because i mean seriously? just look at yourself? happy and cheerfull always making things possitive? why am i so stuborn, annoying etc arr

A Promise-

a promise is a promise which shall not be broken, so you cant tell anyone and your about to burst, but you've promised you wouldnt tell hahaha thats trust for you...

you make my frown turn upside down... ):)

wierd feelings of regret unstablness happiness joy:) its all to you i never thought.

getting excited about the silliest of things... its because your a teenage girl :)

this happened yesterday-

akward moment when your food shoping:S and your sister wants to buy a giant teddy(1m) bear so she does then your brother wants one to so he starts crying... then he brings back a bear to the check out and the man at the checkout is just laughing...

EKKS BEFORE I FOGET MADDIE CAN U CALL ME TONIGHT PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I BOUGHT FOOD FOR CAMP AND NEED TO SORT THINGS OUT OK? XXX I LOVE YOU <3 IM SORRY.. AGAIN... 4 BEING SUCH A BITCH...

as i walk i cry, i never know when they shall come for supprise shower.... the feeling of unstablness haunts me... normally when i dont want to eat its because i force myslef not to but this time its different i dont want to... maybe i shall just not eat untill i slip and die...? but then theres those very few good friends that stick by you that make you want to go to school, and then theres the few from other schools like one of my really close friends me and them have a lot in common.... people say im better off without you... but i dought it so much... but latley all you do is cause alot of pain... life goes on tell yourself that people... and dont ask yourself - "why does ntohign good ever happen to me"... at the moment im feeling ok because one of my freinds is cheering me up:) thank you maddie for today for being so patient supportive and understanding with me.... i know im a difficult person.. i guess thats why i loose friend after friend well atleast..! hold it no bitching! :P ok gtg tlking 2 a friend:) hmm

IT COULDNT BE ANY MORE PAINFULL.... WELL SHIZ IS ABOUT 2 GO DOWN.... SHAKING TREMBLING INSIDE AND OUT YOU KNOW YOU CANT HIDE YOUR EMOTIONGS WHEN YOUR AT THE STAGE OF CRYING ANY SECONDS....

soo im sitting in s&e wtih tabby with out maddie :( maddie call me please ! can i come ova on thurs 4 our assinment let me know asap ekks sirent went gtg <3

madddie i hpoe u see this i love you and hope ur ok my darl'n :( sob sob sbo xoxoxoxoxox pick up ur phone :( xxooxoxox <3 miss you

as i write this i am watching 17 again i didnt get to watch it last night becase we were at fmily/friends house.... which brings me to last nights story.. which is part of the reason i am depressed. but lets start from the beggining shall we......... on friday i was confuessed because he gave me a hug from behing:)  then on the way home that day while i was on the bus with the amazing friend cherry:) mitch went away to talk about the the other girl he likes:( with one of his friends and how he blew it and stuff idk? then when i was getting off the bus we had a long hug:D moving on- me and goldy locks and everyone are closser again:) like last year:) one of my really (CLOSE) friends and me are drifting a lot... well it feels like she and  sophia are just getting closser as sophia lossers another bestfriends idk... this girl really is starting to get on my nerves again... well she has been for a few months but know shes lost goldy locks which i think is kind of good ( dont mean to sound bitchy!) but she really is a better person without her... but know im afraid im loosing you... i dont know...going back to the start (lastnight) was terrible like the worst night ever! that is all i should say about it.. but someone like a low life like you i couldnt really care less how you treat me.. I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER! END UP AS BIENG PATHETIC AS YOU:) AND THAT IS ALL YOU SHALL EVER BE... YOU'VE BECOME SUCH A LOSSER WITH ALL YOUR MISTAKES ITS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR WRONG DOINGS SO KNOW ONE CAN SAY SORRY FOR YOU AND FIX THE PIECES OF YOU MESSED UP LIFE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, I SHALL ALWAYS STAND HIGHER THAN YOU... NOMATTER WHAT :)

- So there as i watch the sea... another friendship boat sails past... </3

:D

ohh... when life is depressing/ impatient? what do you do? EAT BLOODY ICECREAM MATE :P

OK SO I CANT WELL IM AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANY POST ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE BECAUSE IT DOESNT SUIT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHT THEY THINK OF ME I MEAN??? I WASNT BORN TO FIT YOUR EMOTIONS AND NEEDS? OS YEAH ANYWASYS... JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT NOTHING LALALLALALALAlallaalallaa LALALAL UMM? WASTING TIME MUCH... ISSY WONT TELL ME WHATS UUP? IM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE FUCKING JUMPING UP AND DOWN :s BITTING THOSE NAILS EVEN SHORTER EKKSKKSSKSKS:s YEAH BYE BYE

ohh i take back bieng happy again...  
yeah, a were friends... i knew that, i never thought anything different... of course

soo..

- i found out tht som1 i dislike is having a kinda pool party and i thought that all my friends where going so that got me really down... but it turns out its not like only two of my friends so its ok
- boyfriend number? wait a sec...? 3? oh i thought it was actually more 4 the same person^ i actually wish that we could be on ok terms now i mean its in the past? so yeah
- its really sad when someone good looking has his/self ego soo low it just doesnt seem fair? if you know what i mean?
- few of my friends are really down at the moment and im really bad with making poeple happy again:S so i thin i should work on that hey? once ive done my home work lol :P
- life is looking ok now i think the storm is a bit past clearing now.
-i hate it... im a teenager that sucks at science so bad and at first i didnt care at all but now i really do... i dont get any of it! im like wtf? 24/7, so now you know how stupid i am ahaa, i hope pray that i might maybe? pass my exam i suck so bad though...
-my friend is really down becasue of a fight with her boyfriend they were like!? born for each other! and i cant help her im so useless...>.< it sucks

caos (:)

- you make me so happy i just want to cry :') you make all the pain vanish...
- i shall stop bugging people 4 who they like its none of my buisness even if i am friends with them whatever, life goes on...
- i think i might of found a cure^_^  life really does go on:)


ekks GTG :( DIDNT GET 2 FINISH!:( BYE XOX CORN :D LIFE GOES ON MEMBER THAT GUYS COUGH COUGH MADDIE! ULL FIND OUT SOON MYBABYGIRL! XXX

OHH I WISH I WAS A BUBBLE TO FLY THROUGH THE AIR WITH NO WORRIES...

ART PICTURE FOR TOMORROWS AFTER SCHOOL INCURSION

it hurts it hurts the pain inside of me, thinking that i might do something i could soon regret.... :S i shall soon find out?

-MAMMA MIA-

i have a dream... a fantasy... to help me through... reality...

we might be friends :) but it seems every time i tell you somthing? you just think of it as me making another mistake... i tell you things because you are my friend ill always want you to be my friend, i always want to be there for you as i want the same back from you :) so if i tell you somthing i dont want you to think anything else, only that i am in need of a friend :)

-I can take the futre... Even if i fail </3

- you go through all my private messages and private belongings, i dont really mind but when i ask to look at a message from one of my friends which is about me! you wont let me in? you always talk to my friends when you dont even know them... you always do this?.. i dont understand why you do? if your not helping anyone out? you just bitch about me to my friends:S you agree with my friends over me and you havnt experienced what i have... you complain about holding my bag when you havnt even took hold of it yet, but you just dump your bags on me and ditch me while you go flirt with the guy who i dislike and is big trouble! you have changed so much my friend... can i please havethe friend i used to know? i need her right now..... lifes really stressfull atm... the funny, the one who always used to care, who was always there? the one thatlaughed with me for ages of the stupidest things, the one that wasnt always so stuborn and always believed me over strangers... your own bestfriend... </3 our time was up... you probobally knew that though.. but i kept on frighingfor our bestfriendship... i used to think that we would always be there for each other but our futures saw through that...

Your scared to look at the past... you scared to look at what the future holds... so you look by your side and yes you know its all going to fine because you best friend is there every step of the way....

:'( YOU MAKE ME WANT TO CRY OF PANIC! I LEAVE YOU NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU MIGHT DO? I MIGHT FIND YOU DEAD THE NEXT MORNING :( FML WHICH IS WHY I MUST SAY I LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU GO... :S

couldnt be more confuessed :S you say you love me and it sounds like you mean it to but i dont think i have the courage to? be the lion:P as sophia used to say..... hahahhaaa yes no yes no yes no??? no... i dont love him but i do like him alot but naa seeing liam tomorrow :) getting all those troubles off my head doing athletics the sport i love and chilling with friends and liam :D and amy :) at the gidge show :) mitch might be there too :) should be a great day :) BUT BUT BUT! I MISS MADDIE FML!:'(

- dont over react about silly things the wise one once taught me to live each day fully and dont waste a single day... :)

There is always two reasons to behing something...

-saddest touched by an angel!!! :'(

todays caos-

-im not going to let you get to me you yes you make my friends stick up for you most of the time im going to enjoy life:) i think that you should go out with her i mean seriously!
- think ive got gastro fml :S
-i think/ well i know... that im loosing you :(
- ive got so much other good news in my life so im going to look forward to that stuff...
- arrr trying so hard to keep happy for mitch i hope he doesnt try anything :'(
-you can make me so frustrated but im done i dont care what you or anyone else thinks about me... i know the truth about myself so im not going to let you bring me down because lifes beautifull :) and waiting for you to get out there corn <3

im a tad bit silly :S

i tied a piece of string around my finger to remind myself not to get bitchy to anyone,
i read your blog and almost lose it why is that hey?

you are meant to be my best friend... why dont you just stand by his side it would be easier... fml... just when things were looking better another cloud of the past has dropped over me...

:( please dont... ill be lost by no laughter...:O

My heart beats above the average at just the thought of you ending it all...
You musnt you do mean a lot to me,
You are a dime always smiling bright and beautifull...
Why didnt i ever think that a dark shadow could be hiding underneath that cute smile...
I will give you all my faith not to let you ever think this again forever worryring about you mitch.... <3


           Tahlia...aka corn

todays caos-

-yes i know that liking someone else straight after is bad and slutty... he hurt me and i accepted that and am know moving on... but now appearently he likes me again?

- it gets really annoying when people talk about stuff with someone you dislike:S

- this guy *kinda* asked me out:) i used to like him and his really nice and a great friend too but yeah idk ohh plus his cute :P not really ready yet though;(...

- saturday athletics with L :) his really nice:) and really funny hehe, i dont care what mother says I AM DOING ATHLETICS ON SUNDAY! ive got 800m and high jump! my favourites!

-found out a secret about a friend that i would've never have guessed... he seems so different hmm:S love you (m)

thats about it.... live life to the fullest and create happiness for others

CORN <3

I MISS MADDIE SO SO SOSOSOSOSOSOOSOS MUCH! IM GONNA DIE! </3

Bloody hell! my status arent just for you.. so stop using it against me :S

i thought i you did like me... you were the perfect solution to all my problems! but no you taken...

:(

My depressign songs on sunday and monday were: skyscraper, fix a heart(know all the words know)...  everybody hurts, enchanted, gotta go my own way...

thats hopefully over now....hmm.... but when i see you again tomorrow :S ekks

problems atm-

1- so im slowly getting over (d) him... ive decided (not 2 sound up my self) but he doesnt deserve my tears any longer! i hate feeling depressed so im not going 2 be!
2- i am going to move on just as life goes on...
3- on monday at aths training i met i knew friend... well i already knew him but we actuallly started talking his really funny and his little brother is pretty funny to me and my sister were quit entertained hahaa :P
4 :'( i sprained my stupid ankle... it actually really hurt yesterday so bad! but my mother was stressed and pissed me off, ohh well todays a different day XD and its looking pretty good.
5- i dont even know if i even want to be friends with him anymore becase of sunday...
6- when i sprained my ankle at netball i got on the courts it had been like seriously! 3 minutes and then my silly player cut in front of me:S haha then for the rest of the game i had a talk to bec's boyfriend who comes every game their so adorible ^_^
7-i havnt been at school for two days i feel so lonley:S hope i havnt missed out on anything:S and ohh joy... home work catching up:S
8- today is wednesday and ive got this art incursion after school that i am still going to even though i didnt go to school, mehh theres no walking to do only lovley art :D
9- just finished wtching touched by an angel and it was really sad and related to me so i realise that breakups make you stronger and you need to move on and there is other people that could be right in front of you:)
10- you shall never stop loving, just because someone hurt you <3

10 PICS OF AMAZING LIPS :P

CRAB LIPS <3

YUM:D SO SO GOING 2 DO THIS!

i know bit gross but cool:P

had a spaz ova this

MUST HAVE THIS LIPGLOSS!

fricken awsomeeeeee!

NUM NUM NUM!

HEHEE

 To die 4! :S

i dont really understand... you seem closser to him than me... (i know im a jealous person) but we are lik so close and yeah... you seem to be closser to others now...

:D

first day of athletics today :D it was good to clear my head :) while running, met new friends:) pretty sure its just school life thats a down fall... friends make it a lot better like- blue eyes, ranga(britt), cherry, tab, shanade, goldy locks, teddy bear:) and then theres others on the bus which are good 2:) sometimes i just want to move schools when stuff gets tough but just remember knowbody can push you out you have a right as much as anytome else :)

so much shit has happened in 2 days hours dean found out a stupid rumor that wasnt even true! by sophia and he kind of believed it and questioned me heaps when i told him i was telling the truth but no he didnt believe me! so now were not going out... how could he believe or question me so many times about a stupid rumors that were spread by some fag*** i mean seriously?! he believes her over me fml! maddie and mitchelle have been really nice a BIG sorry! to maddie she called asking how i was but i was fighting with D and he was turning things back on me and then just gave up and said good bye! pff... blue eyes the reason i hung up was because i was crying and i didnt wnt you to hear me :S. he'll move on but i will stay the same rotting of unhappieness....>.< D and blue eyes are still close and now its going to be awkward around us... i hate it! heaps of people feel sorry for him so much and then theres me... and people just think im a bitch for stuff that i did? that he told people fml... or the rumor...

FML!

OHH GREAT JOY... maddie i hope you see this!
some rummor is going around that i had "did it" with this guy ned wtf is this world coming 2!!! i would neva eva eva :'( arrrr fml! ekks gtg

TODAYS PROBLEMS!

-me and D r goign out again:) but i did really like it when we were friends :S
- sophia is really pissing me off people thought that we were going to have a bitch fight today:S i only would if she started it first.
-i found out a wierd secret that is odd and unexpecting and kind of turned me off that person a bit and no im not really judging taht person... ohh well he/she is a ***** anyway and was not a nice person to be around anyway:s

this was from yesterday! i 4got 2 post it :S

i dont know what to think anymore... sophia=witch! ( looks like it) :P is bieng more than her bitcher self??? i think its because me and D arent together anymore... but arrr!theres so many things today that she did! :S why is she just so pathetic!!! the only time i ever bitch about her is when shes said somthing about me! arrr shes destroyinggg my life! i miss D soo soo soo much... but i really dont think he deserves me i dont want to hurt him again..., and besides blue eyes was saying how D and I are really good friends and that you might not want to destroy that and plus i dont think he likes me anymore:'(

The love of friendship is the right key of happiness, hope, courage, hope, laughter and joy...

:)

I am going to change! thats all there is to it... i dont really like the person ive become... i used to be nice! ( not to sound up myself) ive become such a bitch and not a nice person to be around...
STARTING FROM RIGHT NOW!!!
if you want true friends and family, well then you've got to be a good/ true friend :D

monthly friendship quotes-

The only way to have a friend,
is to be a friend



now i ask myself how i have friends?!?! o.O

my life is over..  cant say why BUT..........fml fmlf fmlf lflmfl boiling MY EYES OUT
atm fml fml fml fmfl.... could life possible get any worse... might as well go get drunk go jump of a building who knows bye lifeeeeeee....

ohh my bloody goshes my world is coming 2 an end?? wtf is wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!
blue eyes thinks that D likes her??? he cant he cant... i thought he still liked me... just a little bit, sigh*** i still like him a bit... boy am i joking i still like him alot i cant imaige hime going out with another girl! expecially my best friend! well idk if she is i think cherry and her are closser now :'( arr FML!
i think its official im going to be a complete lonner when school goes back :S no boyfriend, no maddie.. well kinda but she'll might be with D or cherry...i love cherry and maddie <3

YESTERDAY WAS GOOD BUT TODAYS A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY...

TODAYS CAOS!-
1- my bestfriend is out with my other friend which really annoys me.. i know i know im such a jealous bitch...
2- me and my ex are still good friends :) and still talk/ dump our problems on each other.
3- why cant cherry like me as much as blue eyes i know shes a much better friend than me but still...
4- i just wish that cherry would invite me out with her sometimes its mean and very rude...
5- stuff like this always happens! yeah i might over react but the facts are always right there...
6- i was in the most amazing mood! BAMMM! get on face book and you can forget it!

:S

Running out of awkward situations doesnt really get you any where only into more awkward situations... :S

I know there is worse things in the world but for me at the moment its about making a decission, a decession i always think about and i am strong towards? but! the person that it involves is so loving... and i feel so bad... theres something inside me that wont let me let go of him?

Top 10 facts about me- (corn the teenage girl)

1- people i coulndt survive without: My boyfriend i love him with all my heart! my bestfriend Maddie w aka blue eyes, and the love of my family and other close friends :)

2- I LOVE the colour blue it is so amazing!!!

3-icecream! this is a girls best friend not chocolate! what i would do with it???

4-im a perfectionist and a clean freak! at everything i do and have! :P

5-my favourite hobbies are:
-im an arty farty girl visual art is my life!:)
-i love love love netball! :D
-im athletic (dont mean to sound upmyself :S) i do athletics and have done since 4evaaaaa i now do athletics with my ex boyfriend :S awkward.

6- things i sometimes think about?
- how the world could me such a happier place for all if there was no littler! no racism! and no judgement!
- what it couldnt been like if my ex B loved me, i could have got over him easier couldnt I?
-i should stop thinking about how ugly i am and try just to accept myself for who i am.
- what life is like after death (hopefully piecfull up there ^ with god ^_^. i hate the thought of dieing!!! :'/
- how scary guys in white vans are:S (DONT JUDGE)
-what i would do with out my music!?
- everyday on the way to the trainstation on the bus, we go past a shop of wedding dresses called- the Gown Gallery, i always look through the glass and pick my favourites they get new stock in nearly every day, when im older and getting married that is where i shall buy my dress ^_^

7- 3 inspirational dreams-
1) to become a spy kid :P
2) to have a caree where i am wealthy and get to enjoy it ex - something to do with wisual art, fashion, sports (netball or gymnastics)
3) to have a big white wedding getting married to D having maddie as my main bride maid :) with an amazing dress:D

8- how much i dislike the few people that have something against me, and creates damage in my relationships with my other friends, they can go sit on a cheese greater and wiggle!

9- i love poetry, i know it sounds a bit silly, but its actually so amazing and theres always one that expresses exactly how i feel! and music as well which is a type of peotry!

10- one of my favourite quotes:
live life to the fullest! know matter how stupid you look, just enjoy youself and live freely <3

You know you love your boyfriend you do, even though he frustrates you!...
you always look past on the caos that's always right there, but! this time it's different... the views a bit blurry... bieng a teenage girl this is so emotional and stressfull and very uncontrolable! you have no idea what to do? you could tell him how you feel? no dont do that it'll just start another on of your fights with him, where you always apologise first and still feel like crap after? so how is a teenage girl meant to cope!?!

                                             Picking the first piece of bread out of the loaf...
                                                                          sorry!